The last 7 months

Well, the past 7 months of my life have been a roller coaster, to say the least. In April I was diagnosed with cancer...a pretty rare cancer called Cholangiocarcinoma. Technically it is cancer of the bile ducts, but mine started in the internal bile ducts in my liver (Intrahepatic Cholangiocarcinoma, to be exact) and then spread through part of my liver. Google it if you must, but don't read too much...dire outcomes usually. Statistically, I am about 1 in a million (but some of you knew that already, didn't you?!)
 I found it myself...Around late February/early March I kept feeling something in my upper right abdominal area, like a hard mass. I went to the doctor who didn't think it was anything but did bloodwork, which all came back fine. I told her I was sure it was something so they sent me for an ultrasound, which showed a 10 centimeter tumor in my liver. They then sent me for an MRI to see if it was cancer or a benign tumor. The MRI couldn't determine with certainty if it was cancer or a large hermangioma, so they biopsied it. It finally came back as cancer (on Good Friday!) but they still didn't know what kind. They thought it was a secondary cancer that had spread from somewhere else, so I went through 2 different gastroscopes, a colonoscopy, mammogram, etc. Pretty much anywhere I could be probed I was, but everything came back okay. They finally decided it had started in the liver. My oncologist sent me to a surgeon at Hartford Hospital, who said she wanted to try to remove it. Two days later I had laproscopic surgery, which they do right before they cut you open. The laproscopic showed it had spread too much and was covering the hepatic artery, so they couldn't do the surgery. Worse, a resident told me, as I was coming out of anesthesia, that I was "terminal." The surgeon reamed him for that, but did tell me that I had a less than 10 percent chance of it ever shrinking enough to be cured and when I asked if I would live at least 10 years, so I could see my kids grow up, she said no. As you can imagine, this sent me into a pretty dark place for awhile. Well, beyond dark, really.  All I could think about was my boys growing up without me.  Not a place I ever want to be in again.  Luckily, I have some amazing people in my life and they convinced me not to believe her. A woman I work with shared with me her cancer story and how she recovered. She told me all about her belief in the mind-body connection and how the mind can cure the body. She got me reading some things that really helped me believe I could beat this, despite the statistics.
 In the meantime, my oncologist in Hartford asked if I would be willing to go to Mass General to meet his brother, a radiological oncologist involved in a clinical research study on cholangiocarcinoma. I went and qualified for their study in both chemotherapy and radiation.  The chemotherapy study is researching adding a new drug to the usual 2-drug combination for this cancer. It causes a horrible, acne-like rash on my face but they told me this is a good sign, it means its working on the tumor. So, I have been going for chemo every two weeks up at Mass General since the beginning of May. Since that time, the tumor shrunk off the artery in 3 months (which the doctor in Hartford told me wouldn't happen.) and I had a second attempted surgery.  Unfortunately, the surgeon found other, very tiny lesions on my liver so they couldn't operate.  Waking up a second time to the news they didn't operate was beyond upsetting, but I knew I just had to continue to fight this.  So I have been! My latest CAT scan was awesome...my tumor has continued to shrink and they can't see the lesions on any scan because they are too small.  The doctors are very pleased with how I have responded, so the new plan is a few more sessions of chemo, then 4 weeks off to "detox", and then I will be in Boston for 3 weeks of their special Proton-beam radiation.  The radiological oncologist really thinks he can kill the tumor with this.  Then it is a matter of figuring out how to monitor the lesions when they are too small to see.  It could mean more chemo to try to do them in, or waiting and seeing what happens.  Regardless, I really believe I am going to be okay.  There was a time when I didn't know this, but, I can't explain why, now I just know everything is going to be okay. I know my fight isn't over, but I'm going to continue to beat the shit out of my opponent!
This has been anything but easy, but I know others have had it so much worse than me.  While Chemo sucks, makes me exhausted for days, can't touch or drink anything cold for a week after, and other lovely side effects, like neuropathy in my hands and feet, it hasn't completely incapacitated me. I have been able to work most of the time with a few days here and there to rest. I think of my chemo as liquid gold because it has been working. My oncologists call me their "rock star of blood counts" because mine have never dropped low enough to have to skip chemo, which usually happens.  I have made their clinical research look pretty darn good!  According to them, my response to the trial drugs has been "phenomenal!" In addition to chemo,  I have been working at visualization, meditation, changed my eating habits and am trying to eat a high omega-3 diet which my nutritionist believes helps stop tumor growth (no sugar, no dairy, no red meat except for grass-fed beef, tons of greens, etc.) Well, no sugar except for when I need some, anyway! I am also a firm believer in prayer, and I know the prayers of many have touched me. Whatever it is, something is working. Personally, I think cancer just didn't realize what a stubborn, hard-core bitch I am.  I will NOT have it! So don't feel sorry for me...feel sorry for the cancer that dared to mess with me...play taps for it, as a matter of fact, because its days are numbered!
 7 months ago I was given virtually no hope.  Now,  my tumor is about a third of the size it was, is no longer on the artery, and in a couple of months will be blasted to smithereens by some high-tech machine I can't even begin to understand.   I thank God everyday for Mass General, they are amazing and have truly saved my life.
Well, that's my story up until now. It has been an unbelievably hard 7 months, but I am trying to take some positive from it. The number of amazing people I have in my life humbles me every day.  That is a whole other blog...I think the next entry will be all about what having cancer has taught me.  Stay tuned!